It's 1 in the morning, and I'm still up much to my own surprise. My computer playing the same soundtrack it has been for the past 4 hours. Background noise more than anything else. I can hear the sounds of crickets humming softly in the background as I feel my eyes going dry from staring at my computer screen forever. The outside air is cool and comfortable, and much more standable than the AC level in the house that my dad will refuse to move to a temperature that is above freezing. I can't believe that school is almost here, just one more year. One more year I have to hold onto my childish memories, one more year to change my mind, one more year to crawl under my blankets and have my dad call me in sick so I don't have to face the real world, one more year to be me without having to worry about what I want to do in life. One more year, and all that could change in the blink of an eye. I feel happy, no regrets or worries, no shames to shy away from, no second thoughts about what I'm going to do.
This is my life, and I'm who I want to be.
~Pichler
Monday, July 30
Friday, July 6
Piece by piece
Piece by piece my world seems to be slipping between my fingers. School has been out for a month and I've already managed to completely shatter a relationship with an amazing friend, and shut down the communication barrier with another. My stress level has not settled since, and even though I won't ever see these people at school, it's just that I know I hurt them and I know that I've lost a good friend.
I'm also beginning to lose what I saw in Nick when I first fell in love with him. Yes I loved him, I don't care what any of you say about 'teen love' it can exist. But over the past few months, going far back as January, I'm not sure I feel the same way about him anymore. I've been with him for about 16 months, and we've had some amazing times together. But recently things just haven't had the 'spark' that I'm used to. Yes, I know that relationships can't be exciting all the time, but there should still be that something there that can hold two people together. So I'm not sure how much longer we'll be together. I leave Monday to go to North Carolina with him and his folks for 2 weeks, so hopefully that time together will help us regain what we've lost. I can only hope.
I have a feeling that somewhere within the next 12 months, I'm going to have another big blow out with my mother and not speak to her for a period of time. She
s starting to be forceful again and I feel very uneasy around her. I know that she's my mother and that she tries to steer me in the correct direction, but I just don't feel comfortable around her. My sister is going into 7th grade this year, and I can only hope that will bring us closer together before I leave. She's said that she's going into drama, and I can only hope that she will stick with it. So, I really want us to be closer than we are now, before I leave for 4 years; even though I'm staying instate, I don't want us to be distant.
Amidst the bad there are some good things in my life keeping me sane. I had my senior pictures done on Tuesday and they we're a blast to do. Both Tim Vorland and Dirk were some of the nicest people I've ever met and I can't wait to see the finished products. I believe that they captured the creative side of me and really understood what I wanted from out of my photos.
I've been contacting Elena recently and we've been trying to make plans to meet up and hang out, I miss having her in my life and for the past year things have been rather tense between us, and I will take partial credit for that happening. But I want to regain our once strong bond and make the best out of our senior year.
Erika is moving in with me in August and will be staying with me for the duration of the school year. I'm excited to have someone my own age to talk to and hang out with. It'll be an experience, even if I have to share my bathroom for the first time in 7 years. She's a lovely person and I hope that she can feel at home here at the Pichler house.
A week or so ago, Rocky, my gay cat, ran away. We let him outside, but he always comes home within 24 hours or so. But it was 3 days, and there were no signs of him. But then I heard a meow at our garage door and there he was. Apparently someone had taken him in, because he smelled of smoke. So I washed him and got him a collar, which he's already managed to lose, so I'll get him another one. My family is just glad he knows where home is.
Note to Thespians: the officers met late in June and talked about possible retreats and outings, I'm not saying anything else, but we will get together before the summer is out and I can't wait.
There's 2 months left in summer, and I hope that they got far better than June has.
~Until Then
I'm also beginning to lose what I saw in Nick when I first fell in love with him. Yes I loved him, I don't care what any of you say about 'teen love' it can exist. But over the past few months, going far back as January, I'm not sure I feel the same way about him anymore. I've been with him for about 16 months, and we've had some amazing times together. But recently things just haven't had the 'spark' that I'm used to. Yes, I know that relationships can't be exciting all the time, but there should still be that something there that can hold two people together. So I'm not sure how much longer we'll be together. I leave Monday to go to North Carolina with him and his folks for 2 weeks, so hopefully that time together will help us regain what we've lost. I can only hope.
I have a feeling that somewhere within the next 12 months, I'm going to have another big blow out with my mother and not speak to her for a period of time. She
s starting to be forceful again and I feel very uneasy around her. I know that she's my mother and that she tries to steer me in the correct direction, but I just don't feel comfortable around her. My sister is going into 7th grade this year, and I can only hope that will bring us closer together before I leave. She's said that she's going into drama, and I can only hope that she will stick with it. So, I really want us to be closer than we are now, before I leave for 4 years; even though I'm staying instate, I don't want us to be distant.
Amidst the bad there are some good things in my life keeping me sane. I had my senior pictures done on Tuesday and they we're a blast to do. Both Tim Vorland and Dirk were some of the nicest people I've ever met and I can't wait to see the finished products. I believe that they captured the creative side of me and really understood what I wanted from out of my photos.
I've been contacting Elena recently and we've been trying to make plans to meet up and hang out, I miss having her in my life and for the past year things have been rather tense between us, and I will take partial credit for that happening. But I want to regain our once strong bond and make the best out of our senior year.
Erika is moving in with me in August and will be staying with me for the duration of the school year. I'm excited to have someone my own age to talk to and hang out with. It'll be an experience, even if I have to share my bathroom for the first time in 7 years. She's a lovely person and I hope that she can feel at home here at the Pichler house.
A week or so ago, Rocky, my gay cat, ran away. We let him outside, but he always comes home within 24 hours or so. But it was 3 days, and there were no signs of him. But then I heard a meow at our garage door and there he was. Apparently someone had taken him in, because he smelled of smoke. So I washed him and got him a collar, which he's already managed to lose, so I'll get him another one. My family is just glad he knows where home is.
Note to Thespians: the officers met late in June and talked about possible retreats and outings, I'm not saying anything else, but we will get together before the summer is out and I can't wait.
There's 2 months left in summer, and I hope that they got far better than June has.
~Until Then
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