*RANDOM MIND RAMBLINGS* Please don't blame me if you can't follow it.
Okay so this is my first post after my birthday. Yea it's pretty sweet being 16, pretty kick ass birthday (no I don't have a car *tear*) but I mean I wasn't expecting one anyways so it doesn't matter. Yea, I mean I have an ass load of responsibilites now that I have a job at Panera's - You should all buy bagels and have yummy soup and stop in when I'm working so that you can laugh at me in my funny hat and apron- but I like it. It gives me a sense of firm placing on the ground and that I'm actually doing something with my life. I like it. School is alright, starting to slow down because I'm losing interest in most of my classes. I mean choir is only left with auditions and 6 out of the 15 STC girls didn't make it into A Capella and they all kick ass at what they do and STC'ers are usually shoe-ins for A Cap. It's ridiculous. The big thing left for me is Valley Singers and then Show Choir. For those of you who have heard and listened to me as I bitch about my mother, I went and visited her on my birthday. It wasn't a pleasent visit and I now refuse to call her mom or w.e. because I feel like she hasn't been a mother type figure to me in the past 6 years ever since my parents divorced. Wow it has almost been 6 years, geez. Sorry. But sadly I've stopped knowing what I want in life and in myself lately. I just kind of exist at school and busy my mind with my projects and technical settings. When I'm at home, I space off and just do what ever until I have to fall asleep and start it all over again the next day. My cats are basically the only campanions I have at home. Oh well, I like my dad, but I like it when he's out of the house. I think I just need something new, yea I have a job and I'm 16, sweet and all, don't get me wrong, but it's not exactly what I was looking for. Maybe something will happen soon, I hope. My relation with Nick, well to be frank, isn't that great. (Yay for bitching about my relations) I mean it's the second time that we've dated and I guess I don't feel anything for him like I used to. Sure I play the girl friend and yea it's hard to ignore the fact that this guy would get me the moon if I asked for it. He's sweet and funny, but I just don't have the "fascination" that I did 8 months ago when I first started really liking him. I think I just need to take some time and sort that out, but not be around him. Ugh. I don't know anymore. I just can't wait for my trip with Elena in July. She's my best friend and I love her to death and it's just gonna be the 2 of us for 2 weeks basically by ourselves our in Germany. Both of us have no idea what we're gonna find out there, but we can't wait. The only thing I really have right now is my art. But I get so frusterated that I just don't have the time to devote my full attention to it so that it can turn out amazing, they keep breaking or lose their meaning. If you ever got a hold of my sketch book, you'd see what the meaning behind my pieces really are. That sketch book is like my journal, but with pictures to go with it. Yay for picture books. Maybe I should write more poetry, I haven't done that in a while, hmmm.
~Until Then